Have you ever had to make a tough decision? Well of course you have, it'd be ridiculous to think there's anyone out there who hasn't, right?That's what I am faced with right now. A tough decision.
I really won't go into specifics for several reasons, but hopefully I can muddle on through this post without them.
Perhaps I'll just list the questions I am asking myself right now in an attempt to puzzle out what the right choice in this situation is.
Can I really allow myself, and others (others are the most important) to be treated the way they have been? To be hurt? To be ridiculed and offended?
Can I stand strong in the face of opposition that believes itself correct and believes me to be in the wrong? Can I hold strong to my resolve that for once, I am blameless, the ones around me being hurt are blameless?
Am I strong enough to take a step that will cause pain, unhappiness, a shattering of something I've worked my heart and soul into? A step that might bring greater comfort and peace in the end, but it will be a long and difficult step in the taking.
Am I up to this step to even begin with? Have I matured enough? Do those around me trust me? Do they support me? I am afraid to ask them these questions. I do not wish to place any burden on their shoulders when the choice hasn't even been made.
In that same aspect, I desperately want to ask these people I trust, what THEY feel is the better choice. But again . . . I feel this decision is mine and mine alone. Which is sort of stupid to think, since I wasn't the only one hurt, I'm not the only one being hurt. And I sure as heck won't be the only one affected. I just . . . hate to ask and put any kind of pressure on anyone but myself.
Ah well . . .
I make no choices on a whim anymore, and have given myself a good long thinking period on it. I've set a day by which I SHOULD know either way, and then the process will begin, slowly. Will the process be the healing of this widening break, or will it be the process of tearing it into two.
Only time will tell.
