Making Ends Meet

I haven't written for a few days, and I apologize for that. It's been kind of a crazy week, I admit.

Let me start by updating the situation I wrote about some weeks ago. Know that currently the issue is being worked on through cooperation. We're hoping to put aside the problems and move forward. Let's hope it works out!

To the Spyder Followers: He's doing just fine. I know you must hearing about him, and trust me, I miss writing about him. I especially miss his special little nicker that used to be for me and me alone. I was hoping to go see him next month, but that might not work out.

Now, to move onto today's topic.

Making ends meet. In this world, it's a never-ending battle for some of us. In a perfect world, we would all have a savings, good jobs, and everything would work the way it's supposed to.

But this isn't a perfect world, by far.

My house desperately needs prepping for the winter, my roof still leaks, my truck needs a tune up, my vet fund has been decimated, I've run out of hay, there is no grass.....

This list goes on and on, just like everyone's does. That's the way it works. I'm no different than millions of other people who have these problems, and worse.

Sadly, what makes the situation a little more difficult is this Texas drought. I'm sure you've heard about it. A lot. The drought means no local hay. Which means hay and feed has skyrocketed. Today I picked up two bales, two 50lb bales of crappy looking hay for $11 a bale. My heart sunk, but at the same time, I was damned grateful the feed store had some hay at ALL.

I've come to the heart-wrenching conclusion that sacrifices must be made to keep us going through the winter. If this had been a normal year, I wouldn't have had to buy hay at all this summer, which means all the money spent so far would have been going towards the winter hay fund. Hay would be $5-7 a bale or cheaper.

But this isn't a normal year.

So . . . this is the formal announcement. With a heavy heart, I have listed Jetta for sale. Not because she is going without, but because it makes the most sense to sell her. If she sells (which honestly is unlikely in this economy), I will be able to provide forage for the goats and Apple throughout the winter and not have to worry, too much anyways, about making sure everyone is warm and fed. If she doesn't . . . well I suppose it's going to be a very tight and tough winter, truth be told.

Woe Is Me

Yeah, so, fair warning. This blog is full of my complaints, self pity, and worries. If you're interested in keeping alive your belief that the great Epona is tough as nails, skip this post and carry on your merry little way.

That goes for those of you who can't be arsed to read such things as well. No one's forcing you to read it, I promise!

Now, anyone who knows me online knows I stay pretty upbeat. I spend a lot of time talking with other people who have problems or are having problems. I have a unique perspective on things and I've been there, done that when it comes to a lot of other things.

So I'm pretty capable of helping people out. And I do it quite often. I solve problems, soothe issues, lift spirits, make someone smile. That's what I do. I like it. I'm good at it.

But sometimes . . . just sometimes, I wish the roles were reversed.

If you keep up with me, and surely you do, or else why would you bother to read this crazy blog, then you know my grandfather passed away. I was close with my grandfather, closer than I knew, I think. I won't be able to attend the funeral, which bothers me, but with a budget as tight as ours, there's just no way in heck we could afford to go to California. It's not even an option.

So that's got me a bit down and out, I admit.

Now add on my worries. The main one is winter. I'm afraid of winter, deathly afraid. Not only is it COLD which I really can't stand, but this drought. This drought has made finding hay impossible and expensive. It's frightening. If you can't afford to buy a truckload, then you can't get hay. I have no where to store more than about 15-20 bales of hay. I've never had to worry about that before, I only have my little herd and a few ponies. And we used to have plenty of grass.

Now we have dust. Dust and no hay and feed prices are rising as well. Horses are being given away left and right in our area, or left in their fields to starve to death. I'll put a bullet in my horses' heads before I even come close to allowing that. But all the same, it scares me. Spyder won't be here, he'll be at my friend's. Is it "right" to ask them to take on another horse when winter is going to be so hard hay-wise? It makes me uncomfortable. Jetta, Jetta is easy, she gets fat looking at food. Apple was easy last winter, they were on low quality hay because I thought they were both FAT and they were doing well. Until she had her colt, she was in great weight. Now she's just not finally coming back from it and I'm afraid she'll be hard to keep up this winter. I pray she goes back to be an "easy keeper."

Winter scares me.

And I'm upset over some things. I put a lot of effort into certain things online. I give everything I have, because I'm dedicated and I enjoy it. It's one of my "escapes" where I feel comfortable, among friends, happy.

And lately I've really "needed" that escape. Only to sit there and realize, without me driving the whole thing, no one can be arsed to do anything. When I need my escape the most, no one can be bothered to help me. And it was a huge disappointment for me. I feel like walking away and saying "screw it" because if I put all this time and effort into it, what's it for?

But I know better. It's just been a slow week I suppose. It'll pick up, even if I have to shake off my own pathetic feelings and drive it myself again. Because that's what I do. And the next time someone comes to me needing my help, I'll sit back, open another soda, and help them along their way.

Because that's what I do.

Moods

One thing I'm sure many of you who know me have noticed is my mood swings. Part of it is physiological, but my moods are often influenced by outside variables, as with most people.

Today I was mulling over the big one for me. The weather. I am as "cold-blooded" as it gets. I detest the cold with a passion, and thrive in the heat. And so, my mood for the day often reflects the current weather.

When it's cold, I am miserable. I can be surly, snappy, and mean. Part stems from the fact I cannot sleep when I am cold. Strange, but that's the way it is. I become upset, edgy, and terribly unhappy when its too cold for me to be comfortable.

On the other hand, give me 110 degree Texas heat and I am in my element. Cheerful, happy, and generally in an all round good mood. I get stuff done, I sleep good, and things just seem to fall into place.

So it's no wonder that I rarely get anything done in Winter. I detest it and constantly look forward to the Summer again. You can always tell when the Fahrenheit has dropped by my attitude, that's for sure.

Other things that influence me can be how I'm woken up. If someone wakes me up poorly, boy can that put me in a right mood for the entire day. This one isn't quite so bad anymore, as I've overcome this certain one, but it still has a bearing on my entire day.

So what about you? What puts you in a bad mood? What puts you in a good mood?

ChaCha for now!