Support

I think it's been pretty clear to anyone who is friends with me or reads my posts, blog, facebook, etc, that I've been under some pretty dark clouds here recently in my life.

Which of course means I've posted fewer blogs, because I really do not like to post only negative things, but sometimes it's difficult to think of a subject to post about when you're pretty down in the dumps.

But today, I can post about something very important. Today I can post about how the community around me is amazing.

Most of you know me from a few certain communities. Horse, goat, wolf, reptile. And those from those communities have come to know me and know my many moods. I suppose that it has become pretty clear that we here at the farm are struggling. We had a few rough weeks, and began to fall behind. I was struggling to find a way to feed all of the animals in the winter.

It got so bad, I even did something terrible and posted publicly that I thought it might be better to sell out completely and move to an apartment, so I wouldn't have to worry about these things anymore.

And suddenly, it was like a wave of support came crashing down. Each community came together and lifted me up with words of encouragement, advice, and more. They sent jokes and funny pictures to brighten my day. Some decided to buy my artwork to help fund the farm.

And some went above and beyond. You know who you are.

Just thinking about everything that my friends and community have done brings tears to my eyes and I only have one thing I can say.

Thank you.

Thank you, to all of you.

Between all of you and Jetta's sacrifice, I think we'll make it. I think things will be okay.

Thank you.

An Update Post

Sorry, just a bit of a filler post today. Little updates on things going on here lately but no real subject.

Jetta hasn't found that perfect new home just yet, but had someone come look at her today. She did wonderful, behaved beautifully. I was proud of her. The lady then told me she wanted something bigger. Really lady . . . 11 hands is 11 hands. SMALL. But fine, she left, and then called me back later and offered me HALF the asking price.

What a lunatic. Offering half the asking price isn't going to make the pony BIGGER. I politely thanked her and hung up. What a cow.

All the goats are going into RAGING heat. They're driving me crazy! Thank goodness I'm bringing the buck in either at the end of this week or next week. I am borrowing a lovely black and white, polled, fainter (myotonic) buck from a good friend. I had originally planned on breeding back to Blizzard (now owned by Udderly Country Farm) but when I realized how bad this drought was, and watching beef prices rise, I made the decision to breed to a meat buck instead.

I will be holding back several wethers to fill my freezers. At the request of some friends, I'll also be documenting the entire thing, from conception, to birth, growing, to death, butchering, and being cooked. The life of a meat goat from start to finish. Hopefully you guys will enjoy that.

Still hunting for hay, and there's more information about that and some things that relate to it that I'll be posting about at a later date. It deserves it's own post.

I suppose that's all I have for now. Keep checking back, stuff is sure to pick up here soon, with breeding season so close.

Horse Slaughter

I couldn't think of anything else to write about, and I hate to let the blog sit idle for too long, so I decided why not? I'll talk about horse slaughter a little bit.

Let's get it right out in the open shall we?

I fully support horse slaughter.

Horses are livestock. They are marvelous wonderful animals, but they don't shit rainbows and they don't fart butterflies. They are animals.

The first thing I'm going to address is the ridiculous notion that it's "okay" to slaughter other livestock, ie cattle, chickens, pigs, goats, but for some reason, it's NOT OKAY to slaughter horses.

Anyone care to explain this to me?

I'm sorry, but anyone who eats meat but is against horse slaughter is a hypocrite. Slaughter is slaughter, no matter WHAT animal is being killed. You can't raise one form of life above others. They are all living creatures. If you're okay eating your cheeseburger or fried chicken, then by all rights you should be okay with horse slaughter.

I'm not saying anyone should be forced to eat horse, of course. I don't eat fish. Does that mean I'm against commercial fishing or fish raising? Hell no. Eat that fish up! I just don't like the taste of fish. But I'll tell you one thing. I do like the taste of horse.

Whoops, was that a Facebook "defriend" I just heard going off?

Then we get the people who stare at your with their jaws hanging like dopes, then manage to stutter out something ridiculous. For example, I had one jackanape tell me that *I* was a hypocrite if I wouldn't eat *my* horses.

Bullshit.

I keep goats. I love my goats. I am the Goat Whisperer. I prefer not to eat my pet goats. I didn't eat my pet chickens. I wouldn't eat my pet horses.

But I sure as heck raised some meat goats, meat chickens for myself, butchered, and ate them. They were delicious. And if I had the room and set up? Sure I'd raise up a foal to eat. Yup, you heard that right.

Meat = meat.

But let's cover, briefly, the other repercussions of horse slaughter.

THIS is what has begun to happen.

This horse is on my local Craigslist. And this is only ONE horse of many on there. Some are going for free. Some for next to nothing. Why? Because there is NO WHERE for these horses to go. Add in the drought we're having and horses are standing around in fields STARVING to death. I see it every day in my own neighborhood.

No longer will a horse fetch a half ass decent price at the auction. No, now if you dare go to the auction with your horse trailer, you're likely to come outside to some new horses inside of it. Or someone opens your gate and dumps horses in your pasture.

Because they can't afford to feed them, and there's no where else for them to go. You'd think they'd shoot the poor beasts in the head, but even then, some people can't afford to dispose of the body, or have no way too.

Some of you might bleat that breeders should stop breeding then. Yeah . . . good luck with that. Most backyard breeders have their heads so far up their asses they can't even begin to fathom there is no longer a market for meat man babies. So they keep breeding. Like my idiot neighbors.

And more horses starve in the fields . . .

Making Ends Meet

I haven't written for a few days, and I apologize for that. It's been kind of a crazy week, I admit.

Let me start by updating the situation I wrote about some weeks ago. Know that currently the issue is being worked on through cooperation. We're hoping to put aside the problems and move forward. Let's hope it works out!

To the Spyder Followers: He's doing just fine. I know you must hearing about him, and trust me, I miss writing about him. I especially miss his special little nicker that used to be for me and me alone. I was hoping to go see him next month, but that might not work out.

Now, to move onto today's topic.

Making ends meet. In this world, it's a never-ending battle for some of us. In a perfect world, we would all have a savings, good jobs, and everything would work the way it's supposed to.

But this isn't a perfect world, by far.

My house desperately needs prepping for the winter, my roof still leaks, my truck needs a tune up, my vet fund has been decimated, I've run out of hay, there is no grass.....

This list goes on and on, just like everyone's does. That's the way it works. I'm no different than millions of other people who have these problems, and worse.

Sadly, what makes the situation a little more difficult is this Texas drought. I'm sure you've heard about it. A lot. The drought means no local hay. Which means hay and feed has skyrocketed. Today I picked up two bales, two 50lb bales of crappy looking hay for $11 a bale. My heart sunk, but at the same time, I was damned grateful the feed store had some hay at ALL.

I've come to the heart-wrenching conclusion that sacrifices must be made to keep us going through the winter. If this had been a normal year, I wouldn't have had to buy hay at all this summer, which means all the money spent so far would have been going towards the winter hay fund. Hay would be $5-7 a bale or cheaper.

But this isn't a normal year.

So . . . this is the formal announcement. With a heavy heart, I have listed Jetta for sale. Not because she is going without, but because it makes the most sense to sell her. If she sells (which honestly is unlikely in this economy), I will be able to provide forage for the goats and Apple throughout the winter and not have to worry, too much anyways, about making sure everyone is warm and fed. If she doesn't . . . well I suppose it's going to be a very tight and tough winter, truth be told.

Appreciating What You Have

I bet some of you are starting to get a little confused! I'm the Goat Whisperer, but I don't seem to talk about goats too much, do I?

Worry not, my goat loving pals! Next month I will be bringing in the buck I plan on leasing and breeding begins. You can rest assured that there will be plenty of goat related posts soon.

So make sure you stayed tuned. In the meantime, I'll keep posting about whatever catches my thoughts!

Today, I really want to write about appreciating what you have instead of complaining about what you don't. Anyone who knows me knows I too partake in a bit of complaining and bitching from time to time. Who doesn't? It's healthy and completely natural to us all to do it.

But yesterday, as I was riding Apple, I was reflecting on things. When I was younger, I remember wanting a very few simple things. I wanted a husband who loved me, a home of my own where I could have any animal I wanted, a horse to ride.

And guess what?

I have all these things now.

Sure, my husband acts like a five year old sometimes, my roof leaks, my mare decided to have a go at running away with me.

But these are the things I wanted as a young person and I achieved those goals! That alone is worth a lot. Nothing in life is perfect. There is no such thing as a fairy-tale life. Everything is always a work in progress, but sometimes we all need to take a step back and realize what we have.

It's not always easy, especially when your husband is having a temper tantrum, your car is leaking fluids, your horse is showing colic signs, and your dogs have torn up the trash. You want to tear your hair out and scream and bitch.

And that's alright too!

But never ever forget to take a moment on those days where your husband brought you chocolates home, your car is running like a champ, you and your horse reach a wonderful partnership, and your dogs actually sit on command.

So guys, when you were little, what simple pleasures in life did you dream of? Have you achieved them? And if not, what can you do to gain those things. If you want something bad enough, you CAN achieve it.

Having Foals Isn't Easy

Today I thought of a good post. If you're a part of the horse world at all, you've heard it before.

"Oh, I really want my mare to have a foal!"

Because having a foal is just a walk in the park, right?

Wrong.

Having a foal is a right pain in the ass. I don't recommend it to anyone who isn't ready for a lot of work and has a big checkbook to cover it.

Some of you may clutch your chests now and gasp out, "But YOU had a foal!"

Sure I did. An unexpected foal that cost me a ridiculous amount of money and put my mare through hell. Which I'll explain more here!

I bet you can't wait to hear.

Most of you know how I came to have a foal. For those who haven't, I'll sum it up. I decided to buy a trail mare. Found a lovely little gaited mare for sale. Went to look at her, liked her despite from flaws, and bought her. I was informed she was "unbreedable," as per the vet's word. Which is why she was for sale, she hadn't settled when bred (according to the vet) and the previous owner kept and bred Missouri Fox Trotters and didn't have need for just a small riding mare.

Works out for me, that's exactly what I was looking for! Spent a couple of months riding and wondering why this mare continued to look so terribly fat despite the diet I put her on. When she started to develop a bag, I knew the vet had made a mistake. Whoops!

Now, having a foal is exciting. I admit to being excited despite the fact I was going to lose a lot of riding time, and a lot of money.

I had no idea.

Like in most cases, my mare's birth was quick and completely normal. The trouble started afterward. And of course, not every birth is easy. You want to breed your mare? What happens when the foal present breech (backward)? Are you ready to shell out money for an emergency vet visit. Prepared to watch the vet cut the foal into pieces to try and save your mare? Prepared to euthanize your mare when something goes horribly wrong? You should be. This is reality.

So I had a healthy foal! Yay!

For a while. The foal, Spyder, developed diarrhea almost right away. Cue the first jab at my veterinary fund. (Something ALL pet owners should have, no matter what. A savings account you add to when you can JUST FOR VET CARE.)

We got that cleared up without too much trouble. But then my mare, Apple, began to drop weight. And drop weight. And drop. Now my vet fund is being drained pretty quickly, along with my regular budget. Vet visits. Teeth floating. New feeds. Different feeds. Supplements.

We tried literally everything we could. Then Apple began to develop a disgusting fungus? on her face. More vet fund draining for creams and tonics and whatever else I thought would fix it. Didn't do a darn thing.

Luckily the foal remained fairly healthy. No vet visits for him at least. But his dam was going downhill quickly.

The final straw came when the mare turned on the foal and took a bite out of his shoulder. Despite his young age, we had to wean. Which meant the foal's growth slowed down a little as he adjusted to no more milk, just expensive feed and hay.

Now, some six months after I realized Apple was pregnant, she is finally at an okay weight. Not a good weight, I like to see more padding on my horses, but at long last I can feel comfortable riding her. The foal won't see a saddle for another few years. Lucky for me, he's got some worth, being a purebred Missouri Fox Trotter.

If he was a grade foal? He'd be worth practically nothing.

Having a foal is fun. But it isn't easy. It's expensive. Nerve wracking. So next time you or your friend goes to thinking about how neat it would be to have a foal out of your favorite mare, really sit back and think about it.

A New Page and Art Work

To make things a little easier to gather a fan base and promote my art, writing, and farm, I've created a Facebook page that consolidates all of that in one place.

Click Here

Or you can always look to the top right of my blog, there is a button to "like" the page as well.

Whatever works easier for you.

Anyhow, this blog will be a little more lighthearted.

I'm pimping my art! It's going to be a long hard winter. Hay is becoming nearly impossible to find, and when you do find it, it's pretty damn expensive. So I'm pushing my own artwork a little harder than I usually do.

The first picture above is my very first commissioned piece. I think he turned out pretty well, don't you? I was nervous about the horse owner liking him, but she loves him and is eagerly waiting for me to offer larger models as well.

Right now I am offering painted model horses. They are done in acrylics and sealed. I do both realistic and decorator styles. I occasionally have completed models for sale for those who just want a one of kind piece of art done by the Goat Whisperer herself.

You can check out my FB page or website for pricing. I'll end this short blog with pictures of two currently finished models, both for sale. You know you want them!

Ignorance in the Horse World

Here in the last week, I've encountered some ignorance.

Now, I encounter ignorance a lot. That's nothing new. And there's really nothing wrong with ignorance, unless you're unwilling to learn and become ignorant no longer.

However, this time, it was two separate but vaguely related issues. Let's start with the first one, that actually occurred last week.

I have some neighbors. Nice neighbors really, friendly. They were given (given as in FREE) three horses. A severely emaciated dun filly, a bay mare, and a dark bay stallion. I know these horses were free because they were offered to me first, by another neighbor down the road. The horses were starving to death, tied to trees. Nice, right? There was no way I could afford to take on any charity cases, so I of course, declined.

So, neighbors get these horses. Fine, whatever. They put up fencing and seem to be doing alright. I finally got the chance to speak with one of them, and asked what their plans were with the stallion.

"Oh, we're going to see if he breeds good."

????????????

Huh?

If he BREEDS GOOD? What the hell does that even mean? Anything with a penis and a pair of testicles can breed! Are they expecting him to throw his oh so lovely posty legs and his ewe neck and his giant horrid looking head? How about his shitty attitude?

Ugh. Keep in mind this stallion's already been pastured with both mares. And sure enough, I looked out my window yesterday morning and there's a little foal running alongside the older mare. A colt.

Sigh.


Now, onto the second issue. I was invited to join a rescue "group" on FB. I figured, hey, I've spent nearly my entire life rescuing everything from reptiles to wolves, why not. Within hours, I noticed a post about how the people were rabid anti-slaughter (horse) and were staying friends with certain well known pro-slaughter advocates to "keep an eye on the enemy."

Lolwut?

I came right out and said that I am pro-slaughter and got bashed right off, after which I left the group. Sorry, don't need that! Nevermind the YEARS of rescue I've done with an amazing amount of species, including horses, goats, reptiles, and exotic mammals. I wonder if they're all vegetarians? Because *in my opinion* anyone who eats meat but is anti horse slaughter is a hypocrite - slaughter is slaughter, no matter the species.

Believe it or not, you can be concerned and fight for the welfare of animals AND enjoy eating them. I love my goats but I will certainly raise up some goats to eat. Pigs too. I've eaten horse and I'd do it again. It's about the humane treatment of animals. That includes animals used for food.

I've eaten horse and I'd eat it again. I raise goats, love goats, keep goats as pets and milkers and companions, but I love to eat goat too. And I fully plan on raising some meat babies next year.

Sorry people. Horses don't shit rainbows and butterflies. They crap just like every other animal. Slaughter is slaughter.

Horse Camp

Well it's done! The Spyder has gone off to "Horse Camp."

Now, for those of you who don't know about Horse Camp, it's what we call my friend's place about three hours away. She has more horses than I do, several geldings and a colt about a month older than Spyder. I on the other hand, only have Spyder's dam and a pony mare.

Not real conductive for a youngster. They need an environment where they can learn horse manners from other horses and grow into model citizens.

Enter: Horse Camp. My friend very kindly agreed to host Spyder for a few months, so he can learn these manners from his new big brothers.

Saturday morning they arrived, hauling a trailer. Spyder of course has never seen a trail before, but he didn't seem overly concerned, even with the loud and potentially scary noises it makes. We let him have a look, sniffing and looking inside for a bit. Then we introduced an entirely new maneuver: stepping up. He was terribly confused at first as to what we wanted, but he spent some time with a hoof on the trailer floor, then two front hooves, thinking about this. Eventually with a bit of help, in he went!

He was a little startled, but very calm and collected about the entire thing. We let him stand for a little while, then I walked him out of the trailer, introducing stepping down. He took it pretty well, and in no time we had him back in the trailer. Time to go!

It was a long three hour drive, nerve-wracking for me, but Spyder appeared mostly unconcerned. We arrived and unloaded without much incident and walked around, stretching his legs, then took him into the barn. That's when the neighing started! He talked to all of her horses and called for Jetta, who of course was back near home. He was a little nervous, but he didn't act out.

We introduced him to the stall and he drank water and nibbled at the hay net. He was unhappy looking. We went inside for a bit and came back out to feed all of her horses. Now it was obvious Spyder was not feeling well. The stress from the day had given him a tummy ache. He was not running a fever and had good gut sounds, but he was distressed, kicking his belly and crying. It was the same behavior he'd shown after a strong rainstorm, the first he'd ever experienced, which stressed him out a little.

We gave him a bit of pain reliever and he soon calmed down, and when we returned later that night to check on him, he was eating hay calmly.

The next day he was very excited to come out of the stall. We walked around, then went to check out the pasture and look at things. He was still quite talkative, but continued to listen well for the most part.

We then introduced him first to Icee, a large three year old Quarter Horse gelding, and Tiger, a Mustang gelding.


Icee and Spyder seemed to get along fairly well, while Tiger seemed a little more irritated with the new youngster. We spent a little more time with Spyder, then we put him back into the stall and said our goodbyes. He'll be allowed into the pasture when my friend can keep an eye on him just to make sure all goes well, and then likely he'll continue to be pastured 24/7 except for when he's brought in for feeding, much like he was here.

On the whole, he behaved marvelous. I have no doubt he'll soon fit right in and have a great time out there with all the other horses. And I'll likely be going out there next month, and even if I don't make it, in January for sure, when we'll be taking him to get gelded.

But it was very hard to leave him.

A Bit of my Own Art

Now for once, I'll talk about my own art!

As you may remember reading, (or not, I can't always remember what I've wrote about), I have started doing art again.

Mostly painting. Painting models. Breyer horses have been my main base so far, but I've done a couple of other models as well.

The blog picture today is a plastic goat I've just finished. I thought it turned out pretty good, I painted it to look like my favorite doe, Hope.

What do you think? It's just a cheap plastic goat, but I found it with a group of Breyer bodies and figured, why not? Especially since it's pretty close to scale for my Traditional Breyers, so the newly painted Hope goat fits right in. I'm rather pleased with it.

My husband came home clutching a Wal-mart bag and produced from it a package of higher quality brushes and a bottle of glitter turquoise paint. He brandished these offerings at me with an air of gleeful excitement.

What else could I do but grin? Sure, most horses and goats don't come in shades of turquoise or glitter, but he was so delighted with his find, it was infectious. How can you resist that kind of support and dedication from your significant other?

So I pulled a unicorn Paddock Pal Breyer from it's package and it's getting a deco-style repaint. I wonder how it will turn out?

Another Plug: Photography

Yup, this is another plug post. I am trying to avoid some situations going on right now, and am not ready to post anymore information about them, so I decided to pimp another friend's small business.

From their Facebook Page:

Goding Photography is a brand new photography business that is dedicated to providing only the best photos for you, your family, or your friends. I have had the privilege of photographing several weddings, school/senior portraits, a few families, and even a baby. I am seeking to gain more experience and confidence and am always open to trying new things. Located in historic Springfield, Vermont, I have had the opportunity to photograph some of the beauty of Vermont and I am also selling prints of those photos as well.

I am willing to travel within a 20-mile radius to do a photo shoot. Prices are *always* reasonable and very flexible. Ultimately, I want you to be happy with both the photos you get and the price you paid for them.

No more spending hundreds on a photo shoot that only gets you a few decent photos! I specialize in photography outdoors and prefer a natural setting to an indoor setting. I am working on my indoor setting skills, and am willing to try anything! Let me know if there is anything I can do for you, or if you have any questions!

I recently received several prints from Goding Photography to place in my kitchen and bathroom, and I tell you, I am extremely pleased with them. They are ten times more beautiful than the web images. And not only that, Goding Photography went out of their way to procure me some images of mushrooms for my kitchen.

She is located in Springfield, VT if anyone looking for an affordable photographer for their event.

Tough Decisions

Have you ever had to make a tough decision? Well of course you have, it'd be ridiculous to think there's anyone out there who hasn't, right?

That's what I am faced with right now. A tough decision.

I really won't go into specifics for several reasons, but hopefully I can muddle on through this post without them.

Perhaps I'll just list the questions I am asking myself right now in an attempt to puzzle out what the right choice in this situation is.

Can I really allow myself, and others (others are the most important) to be treated the way they have been? To be hurt? To be ridiculed and offended?

Can I stand strong in the face of opposition that believes itself correct and believes me to be in the wrong? Can I hold strong to my resolve that for once, I am blameless, the ones around me being hurt are blameless?

Am I strong enough to take a step that will cause pain, unhappiness, a shattering of something I've worked my heart and soul into? A step that might bring greater comfort and peace in the end, but it will be a long and difficult step in the taking.

Am I up to this step to even begin with? Have I matured enough? Do those around me trust me? Do they support me? I am afraid to ask them these questions. I do not wish to place any burden on their shoulders when the choice hasn't even been made.

In that same aspect, I desperately want to ask these people I trust, what THEY feel is the better choice. But again . . . I feel this decision is mine and mine alone. Which is sort of stupid to think, since I wasn't the only one hurt, I'm not the only one being hurt. And I sure as heck won't be the only one affected. I just . . . hate to ask and put any kind of pressure on anyone but myself.

Ah well . . .

I make no choices on a whim anymore, and have given myself a good long thinking period on it. I've set a day by which I SHOULD know either way, and then the process will begin, slowly. Will the process be the healing of this widening break, or will it be the process of tearing it into two.

Only time will tell.

A Great Artist

Today I'm plugging a great artist. Who just happens to be one of my best friends and a sister to me. Minxed Arts creatures beautiful traditional and graphic art, specializing in Anthros and animal art.

I personally have had art done by her, and I have commissioned her to do the cover for my short novel, if I can ever manage to finish it. I know she will do an amazing job.

Her prices are extremely reasonable. You could have your pet done, or commission something beautiful and completely unique for yourself. She even does some risque art, although you won't see any examples of THAT on her Facebook page. You'll need to request that via message. You can request both a digital copy of the art, or have it printed and shipped.

I absolutely plan on having her do more art for me, and I'll be glad to pay her prices. They're a bargain in my mind.

And even more interesting, she's having a bit of a contest on her Facebook page. When she reaches 100 Fans, she'll give away a piece of artwork to one of those lucky fans. Why not give it a go? That lucky fan could be you.

Woe Is Me

Yeah, so, fair warning. This blog is full of my complaints, self pity, and worries. If you're interested in keeping alive your belief that the great Epona is tough as nails, skip this post and carry on your merry little way.

That goes for those of you who can't be arsed to read such things as well. No one's forcing you to read it, I promise!

Now, anyone who knows me online knows I stay pretty upbeat. I spend a lot of time talking with other people who have problems or are having problems. I have a unique perspective on things and I've been there, done that when it comes to a lot of other things.

So I'm pretty capable of helping people out. And I do it quite often. I solve problems, soothe issues, lift spirits, make someone smile. That's what I do. I like it. I'm good at it.

But sometimes . . . just sometimes, I wish the roles were reversed.

If you keep up with me, and surely you do, or else why would you bother to read this crazy blog, then you know my grandfather passed away. I was close with my grandfather, closer than I knew, I think. I won't be able to attend the funeral, which bothers me, but with a budget as tight as ours, there's just no way in heck we could afford to go to California. It's not even an option.

So that's got me a bit down and out, I admit.

Now add on my worries. The main one is winter. I'm afraid of winter, deathly afraid. Not only is it COLD which I really can't stand, but this drought. This drought has made finding hay impossible and expensive. It's frightening. If you can't afford to buy a truckload, then you can't get hay. I have no where to store more than about 15-20 bales of hay. I've never had to worry about that before, I only have my little herd and a few ponies. And we used to have plenty of grass.

Now we have dust. Dust and no hay and feed prices are rising as well. Horses are being given away left and right in our area, or left in their fields to starve to death. I'll put a bullet in my horses' heads before I even come close to allowing that. But all the same, it scares me. Spyder won't be here, he'll be at my friend's. Is it "right" to ask them to take on another horse when winter is going to be so hard hay-wise? It makes me uncomfortable. Jetta, Jetta is easy, she gets fat looking at food. Apple was easy last winter, they were on low quality hay because I thought they were both FAT and they were doing well. Until she had her colt, she was in great weight. Now she's just not finally coming back from it and I'm afraid she'll be hard to keep up this winter. I pray she goes back to be an "easy keeper."

Winter scares me.

And I'm upset over some things. I put a lot of effort into certain things online. I give everything I have, because I'm dedicated and I enjoy it. It's one of my "escapes" where I feel comfortable, among friends, happy.

And lately I've really "needed" that escape. Only to sit there and realize, without me driving the whole thing, no one can be arsed to do anything. When I need my escape the most, no one can be bothered to help me. And it was a huge disappointment for me. I feel like walking away and saying "screw it" because if I put all this time and effort into it, what's it for?

But I know better. It's just been a slow week I suppose. It'll pick up, even if I have to shake off my own pathetic feelings and drive it myself again. Because that's what I do. And the next time someone comes to me needing my help, I'll sit back, open another soda, and help them along their way.

Because that's what I do.

Check In Post

Just a quick check in post for everyone.

I'm doing okay. It's hard to think that I'll never get another e-mail. But you can't dwell in sadness for long, it's unhealthy.

I spoke with my father yesterday, both in a short phone call (we're much alike in our dislike of phones) and through e-mail. Perhaps we'll stay in better touch now.

I haven't heard much information about the funeral, but regardless, we won't be going. It's just way too far out of our budget to even consider, sadly.

But I will be there in spirit and I know it will be okay.

There has been a huge outpouring of support of good thoughts from my internet circles, which I appreciate quite a lot. It's uplifting to be reminded how much these people actually do care, and every single one of them was noted and I am speaking to you all now: Thank you.

I also received a couple phone calls to check on me. Anyone who knows me knows how much I detest the phone, but those calls were still very much appreciated and warmed my spirit. My husband has been very supportive; he cared for the animals that day for me. Apparently Spyder was displeased with this change and just stood and looked at my poor husband instead of coming in for breakfast. Which of course meant all the goats got into the feeding pen and had to be removed one at a time. Leave it to an opinionated colt to cause a fuss, right?

I've started painting a new model, a plastic goat this time, and I've been taking a small break from SpiritHowlers. I'm sleeping a lot lately, more than normal. I think it's mostly from the overwhelming heat and dryness. I can handle heat pretty well, but day after day of 105+ temps coupled with our lack of rain has made it difficult I think.

Regardless, there's no place to go but forward!